What If?
by Sforster
Summary: Set during the epilogue, where Katniss and Peeta are watching their children play in the meadow. Katniss reflects and thinks about what would have happened if they had never been in the games.


Peeta and I sit in the meadow as our children run and play. Our son's giggles echo as his sister spins him around. Their smiles and infectious laughter brings a smile to my face. As I sit watching them, I start to wonder what my life would look like if Peeta and I were never in the games. I think about if I would have stuck to my idea of never getting married or if I would have given in and married Gale at some point. I try to see it in my mind's eye, but it's something I can't truly imagine. After the rebels won the war, and I was sent back to 12, my path in life just seemed to pave its own way.

When Peeta returned I was a mess, just a shell of a person. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to live another day. I wasn't looking for love, but it found me all the same. I started to finally realize that I need my dandelion in the spring, not the heat and fire that Gale possessed. I need to quell the fire within me, not stoke it.

I think to the time before Peeta, before our children and before the games. I think of what would have happened if Prim's name was never called and she lived to see her 18th birthday. What would I have done? Would I have kissed Gale in the woods outside 12? Would I have let him ask me to marry him, and would I have said yes?

 _What If?_

 _Today was Prim's last reaping. I breathe a sigh of relief as I find out Prim is free. She finally has the chance to be happy without the constant threat to her life. Since her first reaping at 12, I held my breath each time Effie Trinket put her hand in the reaping ball._

 _Today was the same day Gale turned to me in the crowd once we knew Prim was safe and told me I had no more excuses. Then he lifted my chin up with his finger and asked me to marry him._

 _"_ _Come on Catnip, marry me? You ran out of excuses the minute Prim's name wasn't called. I love you; marry me."_

 _He was right, I was out of excuses; I just stood there with my mouth gapping open like a fish. I looked past Gale's shoulder and locked eyes with Peeta Mellark. He just stared at me, and I saw him drop a bouquet of dandelions._

 _Why was he holding dandelions?_

 _Gale asked me to marry him once before, the day of my last reaping. After I let out a relived breath and hugged Prim tightly. Gale came over to me, framed my face with his hands, and kissed me. My eyes had widened in shock as I pushed at his chest to get him to stop. He pulled back, his eyes searching mine. My gaze shifted past his shoulder, and I saw Delly Cartwright fling herself into Peeta's arms. He didn't react to the blonde girl circling his neck, he stood completely still with his eyes screwed shut. I barely heard Gale's confession of love and proposal before I was shaking my head no and running off to the woods._

 _That's what I am good at: running. I ran away from my mother and her pain by shutting her out. I ran from Gale and his first declaration of love. I run and hide from my own feelings so often, it is like I no longer have any._

 _So when Gale asked me to marry him for the second time, I decided to stop running. I chose to stand still and make a choice instead of hiding from the world. So why did I feel so horrible at the sight of Peeta Mellark's hard, saddened eyes?_

 _I have never spoken to Peeta. Yet, I would always find him staring at me every so often. When our eyes would meet across the square or a crowded classroom, he would give me a soft smile and gentle nod of his head; I would only scowl in return. I never knew why he was always looking at me. Maybe it was because I never thanked him for the bread. Whenever his eye would meet mine, my face would grow flush and my heart would begin to race. We shared some sort of secret that was to never to be spoken. It was a secret that neither of us knew._

 _There was one time our last year of school when I went to watch him at the last wrestling match of the season. There was no longer anyone who could take him down. The only ones who ever had were his two older brothers, but I think it was only because he let them. I sat on the bleachers and watched as Peeta pinned each of his opponents and was declared victorious._

 _I stood up with the rest of the crowd and cheered for him. I watched as a group of merchant girls followed Delly to congratulate Peeta on his victory. I watched as they all giggled and Delly threw herself into his arms. I remember my smile falling and my hands still clapping. As if he sensed me, his gaze shifted from the giddy girls to me, his smile falling at the sight of the hard scowl on my face. I did the only thing I knew how to do when my emotions got the best of me: I ran._

 _As I stood in Gale's arms, I saw Peeta walk toward us. His eyes burned with a determined fire that I have never seen them hold before. When he got to us, I stepped away from Gale so we stood face to face._

 _"_ _Peeta?" His name came out as more of a breath of air rather than in my harsh tone most are use to from me. His gaze shifted from me to land on Gale before he spoke._

 _"_ _She may be out of excuses for why she can't marry you, but she isn't out of options." His voice was firm and harsher than its usual soft caring tone he used with most people._

 _He turned to me, grabbed my face in both of his hands and kissed me square on the mouth in front of the entire district. My eyes flew open as wide as saucers, I stood completely still in shock at what was happening. Peeta Mellark was kissing me. And I liked it._

 _My hands flew up to grasp his wrists as his still cupped my face. My thumbs brushed the backs of his hands, and my lips started to respond to his. I was kissing him back. He started to pull away, and I moved my right hand to the back of his head and crushed his lips to mine. This was nothing like the kiss Gale and I shared in the woods when I was 16. This kiss lit a fire somewhere deep down inside of me. Instead of leaving me confused like Gale's did, this kiss made me want more._

 _This, this was the silent secret we were sharing. I didn't realize until this moment. It was Peeta; I was waiting for him. Ever since that day in the rain when he threw me the bread we shared a connection. He saved me, and I felt I had to repay him in some way. I knew if I kept watching him I would get my chance. But what I didn't know was that he crept up on me. With each look we shared he found his way into my heart without my permission. He became my constant, the one person I could count on to be there each time I looked up._

"What are you thinking about?" Peeta asks as his arm wraps around my waist anchoring me to him.

His sweet voice brings me back to the meadow and back to the life I finally let myself choose.

"I am thinking about how much I love you," I say as I turn my head up and melt my lips to his.

There is no what if. As I look out into the meadow at our children I smile to myself. I guess even deep down I knew, that this would have happened anyway. Peeta and I were always meant to be. It was always going to be us.


End file.
